i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
