I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
