Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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