just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
