Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
