He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm getting married
To pizza
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
