his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
