fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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