don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
