We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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