i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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