I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
