The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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