Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
