Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
