if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
