So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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