You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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