I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
