Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
