is your mom at the bar?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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