Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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