Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
