that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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