i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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