How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
