Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
