did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
