This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
