I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
