i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
