just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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