my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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