well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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