It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
