Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
