allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
