I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
