i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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