If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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