Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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