Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
