ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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