pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
