So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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