So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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