Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
