Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
