this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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