you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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