i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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