She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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