READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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