the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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