Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
