Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's like iHOP with fire
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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