Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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