He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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